Ceci n'est pas une martini.: Archive

Curry Me Home

Vodka Coconut nectar Sriracha 1 lime Curry powder Zest one lime with a micro-plane before juicing it.Put half of the zest in a shaker along with 1/2 cup of coconut nectar, 1 tsp of Sriracha, 1/2 tsp curry powder, vodka and ice. Shake, pour into chilled glass. Finish with a few drops of chili oil. Quiet your fear or disgust of curry. Chances are, if this is your second visit to...

Feb 16th

Garlic Bread Martini

Vodka Garlic juice Olive juice Breadcrumbs Parmesan cheese Red pepper flakes Combine bread crumbs, grated cheese, and red pepper flakes on a shallow plate. Coat the rim of a martini glass with your fingers and coat the rim with the breadcrumbs. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and let the breadcrumbs crisp for about 7-8 minutes. Allow the glass to cool. Mix vodka, 1/2 tsp garlic juice, 1...

Feb 5th

Diamond in the Rough

Vodka Pickled lemons Fresh blackberries Jalapeno In your cocktail shaker, add a handful of blackberries and a sliced japeneno-seeds included. Muddle until it is a loose paste. Add 1 tsp of the pickled lemon juice to the shaker, add vodka and ice. Shake and pour through a fine strainer. Use a frozen pickled lemon as an ice cube. The star ingredient lived at an Asian market in Boston’s...

Jan 24th

Pico Boo

Vodka Pico de gallo Tabasco Cherry tomatoes To get to the pico de gallo juice, start by preparing the pico de gallo salsa. Finely chop 1/2 white onion, 1 jalepeno(seeds included), 1 ripe plum tomato, juice of 1 lime, and a handful of flat leaf parsley. Season with 2 tsp fresh cracked black pepper and 3 tsp sea salt. The salt will help to extract the juices from the ingredients. Let set...

Jan 13th

Michelada Martini

Tequila Clamato Dos Equis XX 3/4 tsp soy sauce 3/4 Worcestershire sauce 3/4 tspTabasco sauce Chile powder Lime Salt To make the martini rim, combine lime zest, coarse ground sea salt, and chile powder. Rim the glass with a lime wedge and coat the rim with the seasoned salt. In a chilled shaker combine equal parts Clamato and tequila (about 1/2 cup each), soy sauce, Tabasco,...

Jan 13th

Cocktail Thyme

Vodka Red wine sauce Fresh thyme Olive juice 4 dashes orange bitters Start by making the red wine sauce (click for recipe), ensuring there is ample time to chill. Carefully remove the thyme leaves from the stem. On a shallow plate, mix coarse ground pepper and the thyme leaves. Wet the rim of your glass and roll in the herb rim mixture. Muddle time sprigs with 4 dashes of the orange...

Jan 9th

When Pigs Fly

Vodka 1/2 blood orange 1/2 lemon 1 fresh apricot 1/2 tbsp fresh cracked black pepper 14 dashes aromatic bitters 14 dashes creole bitters 14 dashes orange bitters Start by pitting a fresh ripe apricot and placing it in the bottom of your shaker. Add the cocktail bitters and muddle until you have a soft mash. Juice the lemon and blood orange, reserving a peel from the blood orange. Slice...

Jan 6th

Rined n' Dined

Vodka Pickled Watermelon Rind 1 Lime Make a small slice in a firm chunk of one of the watermelon rinds. Rim the glass with the incised slice and rim with coarse grain salt. I use a pink Himalayan that is strong but not overpowering. A sea salt would do, but I wouldn’t use any Iodized table salt variety. Skewer some of the firmer cubes with a pick and set aside. Add juice of the lime, 1...

Dec 17th

Hey, Dude Martini

Vodka Ranch dip powder You will want to start by separating the ranch powder. The dip contains lots of different dried vegetables and spices so you need to ensure you are only using the fine powder. I use a sink strainer. It is the perfect grade of mesh and sits perfectly in a mixing cup or a martini glass. Measure out about 2 tbsp of the sifted powder and mix with about 5 tbsp water. Allow...

Dec 6th

Jallelujah

Vodka Olive juice Pickled jalapenos Tuna stuffed olives Black pepper Skewer alternating olives and jalapeno slices on a large skewer to create the garnish. Set aside. Mix the vodka, olive juice, and jalapeno juice in a shaker. Add a few fine grinds of fresh black pepper. If you aren’t grinding it fresh, this drink is fine sans pepper. Work it. Pour. Just spicy enough to give you a...

Nov 30th

Deconstructed Mac n Cheese Martini

Vodka Macaroni and cheese (mix and pasta) Sodium Alginate Calcium Chloride Start by boiling about 1/3 of the pasta in about 3 cups of water. When the pasta becomes soft (about 10 minutes) remove from heat and reserve 1 cup of the pasta water. Refrigerate. Put on your lab coat. Don’t be scared. It’s not that complicated. $20 buys your everything you need from Trufflina.com. Start...

Nov 23rd

Pad Thai One On

Vodka Rice & Peanut Beverage Soy Sauce Hot Pepper Sesame Oil 1/2 lime 1 inch ginger Salt & pepper To make the garnish, grill (or thaw) 1 shrimp and skewer it with a cube of extra-firm tofu and a small lime wedge. Chill. Set aside. Start the martini mixture by placing the ginger, lime, soy sauce, and sesame oil in the bottom of the shaker. A few cranks of salt and pepper will...

Nov 15th

The Healer

Vodka Mira Aloe Nectar 1/2 lemon Aromatic Bitters Mix chilled aloe nectar, juice of 1/2 lemon, and 4 dashes of the Aromatic Bitters in a shaker. Give this a vigorous shake over ice. be careful to strain the lemon juice of the seeds. You will need to disregard your shaker’s strainer, so be sure to remove any seeds. In the Middle Ages aloe was believed to be used primarily as a laxative....

Nov 9th

Hot Doggy!

Vodka Dijon mustard Cocktail wieners Cornichons Salt Pepper The garnish. Grill the cocktail wieners on the grill or in a grill pan. Cut them in slices. Cut your Cornichon into similar slices and skewer. Set aside. In your shaker, mix the vodka, 2 1/2 tbsp. Dijon mustard, 2 tbsp. Cornichon liquid, and salt and pepper to taste. Shake with ice and pour into a chilled martini glass. Place...

Nov 3rd

Fall For Me

Vodka Cointreau Cinnamon Liqueur Pumpkin Spice seltzer Powdered gelatin Fresh ginger Tabasco Chili powder Cayenne pepper Salt Sugar To make the garnish empty 2 packets of powdered gelatin into a shallow bowl lined with plastic wrap. Pour in about 1/2 cup of cold seltzer water. Mix this gently with the back of a spoon to dissolve. Bring 1/2 cup water and about a tbsp. of roughly chopped...

Nov 2nd

Fried Green Tomato Martini

Vodka Green tomatoes 1/2 lemon Breadcrumbs Salt & pepper Paprika Tabasco To make the tomato liquid, start by chopping the tomatoes into 1-inch pieces. Place them in the bottom of a shaker with about 1 tbs. of pepper and 1 1/2 tbs. of salt. Mash the tomato with a muddler (or the back of a spoon) until it is a chunky-watery-applesauce consistency. Add 1/4 cup of vodka and the juice...

Oct 18th

Fickle Pickle

Vodka Half-sour pickles Mix ice cold vodka with 3 tbsp. of the half-sour pickle juice in a chilled shaker. Shake. Pour. To make the garnish, slice 1/4 inch rounds and pat dry with a paper towel. I use a grill pan, but a regular grill will work. Place the pickled on the grill pan over high heat. They take about 2 1/2 minutes per side to get some color. Pickle juice martinis aren’t...

Oct 12th

Street Walker

Vodka Tomato water (click here for recipe) Caper juice Black olive juice Garlic stuffed olive juice Combine vodka with 1/2 cup of the tomato water and 1 tbsp. each of the brines. All chilled, of course. Shake, pour, garnish with a caper and olives. Inspiration comes from one of my favorite foods. Puttanesca, a tomato based sauce with capers and olives. Savory and salty. The name translates...

Sep 29th

French Onion Martini

Vodka Cocktail onions Beef bouillon cube Steak seasoning Worcestershire sauce Gently grate half of the beef bouillon cube with the micro-plane over a small vessel. Mix finely ground steak seasoning and bouillon onto a shallow plate. Wet the rim of your glass with your fingers. Very carefully coat the glass by dabbing it in the rimming mixture. Pace your glass back in the freezer to chill....

Sep 28th

1 note

The Piccata

Vodka XXL capers Olive juice 1 lemon 1/2 chicken bouillon cube If you have chicken broth, that can be substituted for the bouillon cube if you like. If using the cubes, use a micro-plane to turn half of the cube into a powder. You need to make about 2 tbsp of broth. Chill this mixture and add to the shaker with the vodka, 2 tbsp of caper juice, 2 tbsp of olive juice, the juice of 1 lemon, and...

Sep 19th

Cold Fighter

Vodka Orange juice 1 lime 1 lemon Tabasco Juice lemon and lime and combine in shaker with vodka and 7 dashes of Tabasco sauce. This is simple yet powerful. I wouldn’t have one of these after experiencing early symptoms of a cold, but rather when you have a cold that you just can’t shake. This is more of a get-rid-of-this-cold-so-I-can-go-out kind of martini

Sep 16th

Dirty Water Martini

Vodka Black olives (canned) Select a quality brand of olives. I would go with a European import or Californian brand. Ensure the can you use has enough liquid for the amount of martinis you intend to make. Drain and reserve the liquid. Mix ice cold vodka in shaker loaded with ice. This is one of my favorites. The black olive brine is subtle and smooth but still has the olive zip that works so...

Sep 12th

Shut Your Clam

Vodka Olive juice Clam juice Ridiculous skewers of picked veggies Tabasco Lea & Perrins® Worcestershire Mix ice cold vodka, olive juice, clam juice, 5 dashes of Tabasco, and 1 drop of Worcestershire in a chilled shaker. Add ice and shake. Pour into a chilled martini glass with the pickled culinary works of art. S&R Tipsy Cocktail Stirrers are my favorite. These beauts have a...

Aug 30th

The Hooter

Vodka Frank’s® Redhot® Buffalo Wing sauce 1 celery stalk 1 heaping tbsp Bleu cheese Slice the celery into about 2 inch workable peices. Muddle and grind the celery until it is a relatively soft mash. The Bleu cheese element is provided by creaming together the Bleu chees in a small vessle with about 1/2 cup of vodka. It may take a bit longer if the vodka is ice cold. Create a smooth mix...

Aug 30th

Beef Jerky Martini

Vodka Beef boullion cubes Liquid smoke Lea & Perrins® Worcestershire sauce 1 green onion If you havent noticed already, always have chilled vodka, shaker and glass on-hand at all times. Dissolve 3 boullion cubes in 1/4 of hot to boiling water. I use low sodium-but I doubt it makes much of a difference. Place, covered, in freezer until chilled. Cut a 2-inch spear of green onion (from the...

Aug 23rd

Tea Martini

Vodka 6 Starbucks Tazzo Tea Bags 1/4 lemon Fresh mint To make the tea mixture, bring 6 cups of water to a boil. Remove from heat and let the tea bags steep until the mixture is cool enough to pour into a glass container. I like mine-$2.00 from IKEA. Refrigerate overnight or until desired temperature. In a cocktail shaker, place 1 fresh mint leaf (let the ice do the work for you, no...

Aug 23rd

Cucumber-Tomato Balsamico Martini

Vodka 1-4 cherry tomatoes 1 Kirby cucumber Balsamic Vinegar Chill your shaker and glass overnight. Start by slicing your tomatoes into halves and about a 2-inch chunk of the cucumber. Throw these into the bottom of the shaker and use a muddler to rough them up a bit. If you don’t have a muddler use the handle of a thick wooden spoon. Pour about a tbsp. of the balsamic vinegar into the...

Aug 23rd

Roll With It

Vodka Gekkein sake Pickled ginger Wasabi powder Eden Shake seasoning medley Chill shaker and wet ingredients overnight. Mix vodka, sake, 1 tbsp pickled ginger liquid, about 4 large pieces of the ginger, heaps of ice, and apply that elbow grease. Ensure you do not disturb the rim while you pour your martini. To make the mixture for the rim, start by wetting the rim of your martini glass...

Aug 19th

Soy-Basil Martini

Vodka Soy sauce Fresh basil Fresh cracked black pepper Begin by cracking fresh black pepper onto a shallow plate. I like to have large pieces of pepper so I use a coarse setting. Wet the rim of your glass with your finger and coat the rim of the glass with the pepper. Start by pouring chilled vodka into a shaker. Add a few dashes of soy sauce (about a tbsp.). Bruise the basil in the palms...

Aug 19th

Friggitello Martini

Vodka Peperoncini Mix vodka and peperoncini liquid in a chilled shaker. Mix. Enjoy. They say that some of the earliest memories are those of food. I was always curious about food, especially the things in my Mom’s kitchen. I remember the intrigue of the vibrant yellow-green hue of the peperoncini and how interesting they looked in their bottle.

Aug 19th

Frog Ball Martini

Vodka Pickled brussels sprouts (recipe here) Olive juice Mix ice cold vodka, 2 tbs of brussels sprout liquid, and 1 tbs olive juice in chilled shaker. Shake. Sit back, relax, love life. I once heard pickled brussels sprouts referred to as “frog balls.” These pickled wonders make a great snack, but when the liquid is mixed in a martini it creates a salty, sweet, savory experience that...

Aug 19th

Pickled Beet Martini

Vodka Picked Beet Juice (click for recipe) Pour chilled vodka into a chilled shaker. Use 4 tbs of beet liquid for each martini. Shake. To make garnish-start by cutting beets into cubes (you will want to use slices on the thicker side). Stack the cubes and insert pick. I once read an article that insinuated that beets were trendy in my neighborhood. The term trendy, for me, is negative. This...

Aug 18th